


Pork Soda

by idiosyncrasiesofme



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Dreams, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, George has a gay panic, Kinda, M/M, Mutual Pining, No Smut, One Night Stands, One-Sided Attraction, POV Switches, Past Relationship(s), Pineapples, Pining, Unrequited Crush, dreamnotfound, dreams got pineapples in his head, it was a one night kinda thing, no beta we die like my sleep schedual
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:20:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28352313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idiosyncrasiesofme/pseuds/idiosyncrasiesofme
Summary: "You really have become a drug to me. And even after just one taste, I feel the symptoms of an ongoing withdrawal."~~~~~After a one night stand, Dream seems to find himself yearning for a certain British boy who seemed to have stolen his heart.
Relationships: Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 38





	1. Tangled Legs

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is based off of another glass animals song, only this time its pork soda. i might make this an ongoing thing, i might not, idk. anyways, this is my first dnf fic and i hope yall like it

What day is it? When did I start to lose count of the days? I know it’s June– or maybe it’s July? The days seem to blur together into a strange conglomeration of hours being spent playing Minecraft or thinking about you.

You.

Why do all of my thoughts lead back to you? When did it get this bad? I shouldn’t have let this happen. I feel my heartbeat in my chest whenever you’re near, and I’ve started to crave you when you’re away. You’ve become my drug. A very addictive and very sweet drug.

When I close my eyes all I can seem to picture is your hot breath on my lips as I pull you closer. All I can see is your brown eyes as you peer into my green ones with a lust-ridden look. The heat that comes from both of our bodies as we hold each other close. It’s all so visceral and so real that I think for a moment that you’re still here with me in my bed, still holding me in the way you did that night, still kissing me, still…

We still haven’t talked about it, whatever it was. Was. Oh yeah, it was a past thing, something that we don’t get to do again, and something that we shouldn’t have to talk about because there were no feelings attached. But my idiot brain had to go and catch feelings.

Why do you make it so hard not to fall in love with you George?

We really thought that cliff diving in the middle of the night was a good idea, even though we didn’t have any swim trunks or even a towel and yet you took my hand and pulled me up the hill to look out over the sea. Luckily we were in a secluded area or we could have gotten in trouble, but you didn’t care. You didn’t even take off your shirt before diving into the dark water. I wished you took off your shirt.

I followed you. Of course I followed you.

We were out there for about 30 minutes before it got too dark to see clearly. You complained about being cold so I wrapped an arm around your shoulder, leaning on you in a feeble attempt to warm us both up, even though it was about 80 degrees out. You tried to push me off as we walked back to my house, but all you managed to do was get me to pick you up bridal-style. You wrapped your arms around my neck as you nearly screamed for me to put you down. I didn’t listen.

I carried you back home once you quieted down. It felt like 5000 steps to get there. When we got back I had to put you down, you had been quiet for about a minute but I didn’t mind the silence, enjoying just being in your presence. But then you didn’t let go of my neck, in fact, you pulled me even closer and looked into my eyes as your breath tattooed my skin. It was an unspoken question, one that was not left unanswered as I pushed forward and pressed our lips together.

I could taste the pineapple on your lips from earlier that day, it made my head spin. I pulled you into the house and for the rest of the night, we laid on the couch with our legs tangled as we told each other everything about ourselves.

I remember the way that you looked at me, I can’t get that out of my head. I don’t want it out. And that’s what’s wrong with me.

God, I want you all the fucking time.

I wish it could go back to what it was like before. We used to laugh all the time, now it’s only here and there, with small attempts to start a joke or a bit. All I can do when I see your face is ache and yearn for that fateful night.

People have noticed. Of course they noticed, they notice everything. They get worried, and for valid reasons too, but they don’t need to know the real reason for our distance.

I can still taste the pineapple. It floats around in my head from time to time. It makes me feel like I’m brain dead and going to heaven. But I know that it won’t last, because I’m pulled down from my euphoria from a notification on my phone.

Sap has called me out on my slummish behavior again, what would I do without him? Probably crash and burn. He knows that something happened when you came down, but he doesn’t know what, I didn’t want him to pry into you so I said it was a lovers quarrel.

Sometimes I wish the thoughts of you would just stop.

But other times I never want them to end.

You really have become a drug to me. And even after just one taste, I feel the symptoms of an ongoing withdrawal.

I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, nor do I want you to feel pressured to get a response out. So I’ll wait. I’ll wait for as long as you need, but it’s getting harder and harder to do so. It’s already been a month with nothing even mentioning that night and you always change the subject when we start to talk about the trip.

Maybe it was a hallucination on my part, a wet dream perhaps. I wish I were only that. Maybe then I could forget what I feel right now, and move on to a new day where I’m not pining over one of my best friends, now that would be great. Maybe I wouldn’t be so “woe is me” right now, maybe I could be a normal functioning human being again. Or maybe things wouldn’t change and I would be back at square one.

You would be surprised at how hard the brain works. It’s really fascinating in a way, but the worst part is that it works its hardest to make every second of my life a living hell. Especially after...that.

I wouldn’t be surprised if I got excited from a simple text, or a call from you, anything could get my heart beating fast, it’s honestly pathetic.

But when I see you smile it all seems to fall back into place, everything just seems to make sense when I see your mouth turn up in that way that shines light to anyone who sees it. You can bring the light into even the darkest of places and that’s what makes it so hard not to be drawn to you.

My dreams have been plagued with thoughts and images, scenes dance across my mind like graceful ballerinas and they wash over me like a giant wave crashing onto my body and pulling me out to sea and drowning me. Down, down, down, into the deep and dark water, air leaving my lungs as water takes its place.

But then I wake up.

I wake up and I remember that you probably wish you could forget that night and everything that happened. I know I would like to. Then I could go back to not having this stupid crush on you. But at the same time, I wish I could relive that feeling, that exhilaration that spread through my veins as we explored the deep waters of intimacy.

Maybe someday I’ll tell you all of this, maybe you already know. But whichever one it is, I know that we will never go back to normal, we can never go back to the way it used to be. Never.

And maybe those glances mean nothing, maybe they mean everything. Who knows? You know. You know just how to get under my skin, how to get on my nerves without even trying. But I really can never stay mad at you, no matter how bad I want to or how much I would love nothing more than to stop talking to you, you always pull me back down into the ocean, just like you did that night.

I haven’t told anyone about this, though I probably should, I just don’t have the courage to admit it out loud.

Please don’t hate me.


	2. I Want You All The Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream wonders if what he's feeling is love and goes to a friend for some advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the quickest i've ever made a second chapter to anything so i hope there's no mistakes. thank you for all the support on the first chapter, i can't wait for this to unfold and for everything to start actually happening.

People have the tendency to forgive and forget, that’s how many arguments and fights are resolved, but if you do that then there will always be unresolved tension and that could put strain on your friendship or even relationship. There would be a lot of unspoken words that would be thought and many nights spent wishing things could go back to what they were before. But that’s not the way to go about getting things done.  
  
I don’t want to just forget about what happened between us, we should be able to talk this through and make up? Would we be making up? Was it even a fight that we had? No, it’s more of us learning how to deal with what happened.  
  
Would you even care if I told you that I want to still be your friend? Even after I realized how much I like you, I still want to have our calls that seem to last forever, I want to be stupid with you. I want to be with you even if it’s not in the romantic sense. I just miss you.  
  
We haven’t talked one on one in a few weeks and I know I said that I would wait for you to mention that night, but it’s becoming so apparent that you won’t even try to remember the past. I don’t understand you sometimes.  
  
Bad has caught on to the fact that we’ve been acting weird since you visited and assumed we fought or something really bad happened. He was telling me that I need to talk to you about whatever it was. Saying that we need to make up. I agree with him. But you seem to want to avoid me as much as you can.  
  
You have no idea how much it hurts for your best friend and the object of your affections to ignore you. To hate you.  
  
It’s not a good feeling. And if I at least hear you say that you never want to talk to me then I can feel some form of closure or whatever. I just need you to say something to me so that I can move on from these feelings.  
  
Feelings. That is what they are.  
  
Feelings: an emotional state or reaction. They come and go like the seasons and nothing is ever set in stone, but sometimes it feels like they never end. That is until they do end. And then you’re stuck in a limbo between being distraught due to the lack of whatever it was and wanting to move on to find that feeling again somewhere else this time.  
  
Right now I want to punch myself for falling for you. My emotions in constant flux and battle with each other.  
  
Joy spreads through my body whenever I hear you laugh, making my body feel light and my head spin. Then regret starts creeping up from behind and envelopes me in a sad excuse for a hug. Next comes the anger, filling me, and making me want to punch the wall for being so stupid. And finally, the shame and sadness runs through me, bringing me to the brink of tears as I sit in my chair or bed just as frustrated as before.  
  
The whole experience gives me some form of emotional whiplash, making my head hurt.  
  
I want to be mad at you. I really want to. You are the one who dragged me into this with your soft lips and even softer body, your pretty eyes, and even more dazzling smile. You. Just you. I want to be mad but even when I talk about being mad at you I start to fantasize about what it would be like to call you mine.  
  
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with you. Would you be shy or would you be as sharp as you usually are? Would we be tentative or would we continue the friendship we already have only with a more romantic side to it?  
  
Would we go on dates? How would that work? Would we stay up until the sun starts to rear its head on your side of the world? Or would we fall asleep to the sound of each other's voices?  
  
I’ve started to live vicariously through those fanfictions about us, picturing the words we say as our own, whispering to each other late at night. Some people are really good writers actually, they really capture our personalities in a single paragraph or chapter. It’s amazing to think that these people who have this much talent are our fans, and that they choose to use those talents to write or draw for us, it makes me think I’m doing something right.  
  
Do you ever read these amazing works of fiction, George? Do you like to sit and imagine what could be? But that’s all they really are. Works of fiction. Nothing more than the imagination of the fans who see us interact on a daily basis. No matter how much my heart wishes it were real.  
  
I can’t imagine what our fans would think if they saw me right now. Maybe they’d call me a simp, maybe they’d stop watching me entirely. No matter what they do, it’ll never stop me from loving you.  
  
Love.  
  
Is that the word that explains what I’m feeling?  
  
I guess it’s the one that most encapsulates what has been going on with me.  
  
Maybe obsession would be a better word.  
  
I’m obsessed with you. And every day it becomes increasingly more clear that it’s getting to me. I can’t eat properly, sleep a full night, or even edit a video without thinking of you.  
  
And although it may seem cliche, I just want to be with you.  
  
Another cliche thing that I did was ask Ant how he knew he was gay, and how he feels when he’s with his boyfriend. He told me that there wasn’t really a time where he didn’t know, but there were times where he wasn’t aware that he was allowed to feel the feelings he felt, but that he knew that they were real. It was very beautiful but not very helpful. But then he said that somethings don’t need to have a label on them and that if you were supposed to know what you feel then you will.  
  
That was helpful.  
  
He went on to tell me that whenever he and Velvet were together it’s like no one else matters in the world apart from the two and that if he could he would spend his whole life trying to be as happy as he is when he’s with him.  
  
I think Ant forgot he was talking to me for a second, he sounded far off and dreamy for a second. But when he snapped out of it he asked why I was asking, and I had to tell him what was going on. I left out the part about us sleeping together but I did say that we were a lot closer during your visit.  
  
He laughed at me and said that I was whipped.  
  
So I guess that means that this is love. Or obsession. Or something in between.  
  
I’m falling in love with you, George.


	3. I See You And Ache Instead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dream tries to talk to George and reflects on himself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im back and with more writing, this chapter is really just a filler but also not? it was mostly just the beggining that i need to get out of the way and the rest is just more of pining dream

I finally got up the courage to really speak with you. It wasn’t supposed to be about that night originally, but I could feel the tension dragging down my back with a dull knife of anxiety, the jokes falling flat on our ears and the questions being answered plainly. So after we realized nothing was happening, you tried to excuse yourself, but I interrupted you.

“We need to talk about it,” I said. Stated very bluntly and suddenly, I think I shocked you for a second due to you not responding. But then you did, and with words that cut through my heart a million times over.

“I don’t want to talk about this.” Your voice was quiet and shy. Timid. It sounded like you were scared. It made me scared. “Not yet.”

“Ok.” it was a plain response but I had so much to say, so much was left unsaid and it pains me to think too hard about how badly I want to say that it’s not ok. That we need to talk now. Because if not now then when.

You signed off about a minute afterward, saying you had to sleep. We both knew that was a lie. You never sleep this early. I didn’t say anything though. I knew you had a lot on your mind and it wouldn’t be right for me to have pried into what you clearly wanted to keep to yourself.

So I decided to distract myself. Minecraft, reading, youtube, anything to get my mind off of the conversation we just had. I got through about half of a chapter in a book before my brain started to wander off. I seemed to be preoccupied with thoughts and they won’t leave me alone. It’s a constant onslaught of just “George. George. George.”

I keep thinking that it’ll go away when I start to do something new, but every time I go to do something, my mind always has to link it back to you. “George likes this book,” “George would like this song,” “George this,” “George that,” nothing I do makes it stop.

It seems like I keep repeating myself every time I try to sift and sort through my thoughts, I learn the same things that I already know and try to convince myself of something that’s not there, or something that I wish wasn’t there.

Instead of going through the mess that I call my mind, I decided to get up and actually do something with myself. And what better idea than to get groceries.

I have been neglecting doing normal human things for a little bit, preferring to order online, but I thought it would be better for me to get out and have some amount of human interaction. While I was in the store I saw something that caught my eye. It really was insignificant and a small thing to notice but when I saw the pineapple it reminded me of you. That sweet drink you had, the flavor that was hanging off of your lips when we kissed.

It reminded me of the way we made a dance with our lips and bodies that only we knew the moves to. It was perfect. Too perfect, I guess you could say. Because now, all I can see when I look at you are the times when we used to laugh and joke around. It makes my heartache.

I feel numb when I put the contents of my cart onto the conveyor belt. Numb when I load the bags into the back of my car. Numb when I get home. Numb as I put the food away. Numb.

I somehow end up back at the cliff edge that you dragged me to that night. Secluded and high above the water. It was the perfect place for a date or to go cliff diving.

A date.

Would that have been considered a date? Probably not. You probably don’t like me like that, and I didn’t know I had feelings for you at the time. So it couldn’t have been a date. Not a real one.

Sometimes it hurts to think that you might hate me, or that you never want to talk to me again. But I’m getting used to it. I’m preparing myself for the worst, and the worst for me is losing your friendship. I don’t care if you out me, though that would hurt, I don’t care if you make fun of me, all I care about is if I can still talk to you. Maybe the worst thing that could happen is you telling me that you hate me to my face and then telling our fans about the whole thing in a completely different light. My heart would be in tatters as would my career and love for YouTube.

You wouldn’t do that though. I know you wouldn’t. You’re too kind and understanding to do something that would ruin me in such a way. You care too much about others and their feelings. And you know that if prompted I would apologize immediately even if it was something I didn’t do, especially if it hurt you.

I guess you could say that I also care a bit too much, I care about my friends, you’ve been on the receiving end of that love, I care about my family, you’ve seen me talk about my sister, but most importantly I care about you. God, I hope you know that.

You’ve made the world just a little bit brighter for me whether you tried to or not.

It seems so cliche to say things like that, but they’re true, and even if you were to hate me after this, I’ll still be content with having been your friend.

I have to give a shout out to Sapnap, he’s been very patient with me through this whole thing. He knows that I have feelings for you and that those feelings were revealed when you came down to Florida and he’s been nothing but helpful and a nice calming and familiar presence to have my back.

He keeps telling me that you probably don’t regret anything and that it was intentional. If you ask me that sounds like bullshit, but I can’t be sure. He’s probably also been talking to you and you might also be talking about me. But that’s just wishful thinking, isn’t it?

I had the pineapple with my dinner, but I had to stop after the first bite because it was too overwhelming of a sense of, I don’t know what to call it, maybe regret, maybe yearning. Whatever it was, it was too much.

You’re too much.


	4. Let's Climb The Cliff-Edge And Jump Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> George has a gay panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pov switch pog???? anyway this was written while i was supposed to be at tutoring :]

This wasn’t supposed to go this far. I was drunk, you were drunk, we weren’t going to remember it in the morning. But then you woke up first and just stared at me until I woke up. I was so terrified when you looked down at me with that smile. It was too warm, that smile, the weather, the feeling in my chest.

No.

I was supposed to wake up first and leave the bed so that you didn’t remember what happened. That was supposed to happen. But now you know, you remember, and I can’t go back and undo what I did.

When I kissed you that night I was under the impression that it wouldn’t lead to anything, but you...you happened. And how can I resist you?

I could hear the hurt in your voice. “Ok.” I could hear the way that you wanted to talk, but I just couldn’t, not yet at least. I still have no idea why I wanted to kiss you. Well, deep down I do, but am I ready to admit it? No.

You just had to go and start looking at me like I hung the moon after that night, those eyes just were so enrapturing and so calming, and even though I couldn’t properly see the green, they still remained so beautiful to me.

And that leads us to where we are now. At an impasse. With you trying to talk to me, and me trying not to fall in love.

Do I regret it? If you were to tell me not to talk to you anymore then yes, but if not then no. I think we both have things that we enjoyed about it. But that night was supposed to be just that. One night.

But now, in my house in England, I lie awake yearning for that touch, night after night.

There are things that throw me back into that night, things that remind me of the taste of alcohol on your lips and the smile on your face when you carried me back home. Oh. Home. I guess that’s what being with you felt like.

When I saw that cliff. When I grabbed your hand and pulled you over to it, I didn’t expect the night to end with you and me… being so close. When I flung myself off the edge I hadn’t expected you to come after me. But you’ll always chase me, won’t you? I never meant for you to pick me up and carry me back, but you did. And I certainly didn’t mean to pull you down and kiss you after you set me down. But the most shocking part of everything was that you...you kissed me back. And even though my mind says it was the drinks and the high of it all, but my heart, my ever-so innocent and naive heart keeps telling me you meant every kiss and every touch, every word, and every sound. I keep those memories close.

I try to keep my mind occupied with other things like streams and videos and other friends, but I can’t help but be drawn back to the thought of us. To that small conversation we had, if you can even call it that, and to how completely broken you sounded. I can tell you tried to cover it up, but you’ve always worn your heart on your sleeve. It made me feel guilty, which I probably should. I know how much you care about friendships and relationships and I know that I mean a lot to you. It hurts to push you away like that but it needs to be done.

For the both of us.

But is it though? Does it help either of us to just hold each other at arm's length and pretend we don’t see the way we look at each other? Does it benefit us to keep playing with fire when we’re already burned? Or is this just my fears and anxiety’s getting the best of me? Will this all go sideways? Can I ever look at you the same way? Or will you look at me with those lovestruck eyes again?

Well, there’s only one way to find out I suppose.

Let’sclimb the cliff-edge and jump again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter, it'll be longer next time


End file.
